Hmm... Vuosi sitten vierähti äkkiä ja nyt on hetki taas tarttua kirjoittamisen pyörteeseen.
Olen aloittanut matkan omaan itseen nyt vahvemmin. Kesäkuun 2010 jälkeen tuli väliaikainen pysähdys, jolloin olin turtunut ja eteenpäin pääsy tuntui hankalalta. Tämä kevät taas on tuonut ihmeitä eteen ja tuntui kuin silmien edestä olisi lähtenyt sitä verhonnut sumu.
Olen pääsemässä "sinne". Huomaan itsessäni tiettyä vastustusta. Tahto olisi tavallaan kova, mutta jokin kuitenkin pidättää... Olisi tehtävä päätös! Ehkä se pelottaa; heittäytyminen. Entä jos saankin sen kaiken mitä haluan ja toivon? Pahin pelko ehkä liittyy siihen miten rakkaimmat ihmiset siihen reagoivat. Entä jos se mikä vie itseä eteenpäin saakin toisen loitontumaan? Toisaalta en tähänkään usko. Sydämessä tuntuu kipinä, lämpö, toivo... Usko siihen, että kaikki järjestyy, kunhan itse uskallan ottaa sen ratkaisevan askeleen.
On oltava avoin ja sekös pelottaa henkilöä joka on ollut pienestä pitäen sulkeutunut.. vain yrittänyt selvitä yksin jottei muita vaivaisi. Avointa sydäntä on helpompi satuttaa. Vai menisikö sittenkin toisin? Avoin on vahvempi ja saa enemmän kuin osaa unelmoidakaan.
Vaikein oppi taitaa itselle siis olla muihin, läheisiin tukeutuminen. Ulkopuolisen kanssa on helpompi keskustella tietyistä asioista, koska tunneside ei ole ns sotkemassa, jolloin tämän on myös helpompi nähdä asioiden kaikki puolet.
Ensimmäinen tosipäätös nyt: olen avoin, otan riskin ja uskon, että se kannattaa! <3
maanantai 6. kesäkuuta 2011
keskiviikko 19. toukokuuta 2010
WAU, how I much I have learn
Long time has past from my last writing. I lost my passion to write for a while.
So I have learn many things that some of I can't even describe. I see world a different way and it feels like I have had hazy glasses in front of my eyes. I see more colours and that how great world is.
A person has so much power in her thoughts, the way you think, that I am amazed! In a very good way.
Best thing that I have finally learned is that I can't take care others problem. Everyone has to make their own life. If someone doesn´'t want to change her life or habbits even thouhg you can tell or you know how to do that, it is not your job to feel bad because of it.
You can only live your own life! And how free I feel now, when I allow my self to take care only myself! WAU WAU WAU (=
There is one book that I hope everyone would read: The Secret. I´m not in the end of book yet, BUT it has already gave me a lot. You can change your life only switching your way to think. So THINK POSITIVE!!!
So I have learn many things that some of I can't even describe. I see world a different way and it feels like I have had hazy glasses in front of my eyes. I see more colours and that how great world is.
A person has so much power in her thoughts, the way you think, that I am amazed! In a very good way.
Best thing that I have finally learned is that I can't take care others problem. Everyone has to make their own life. If someone doesn´'t want to change her life or habbits even thouhg you can tell or you know how to do that, it is not your job to feel bad because of it.
You can only live your own life! And how free I feel now, when I allow my self to take care only myself! WAU WAU WAU (=
There is one book that I hope everyone would read: The Secret. I´m not in the end of book yet, BUT it has already gave me a lot. You can change your life only switching your way to think. So THINK POSITIVE!!!
torstai 8. huhtikuuta 2010
Time runs so fast
So, I went to see this woman and didn´t disappoint. She can help me, 4 weeks already. In fact, I named her to my "Guide of Life skills".
In our first appointment, we talked about 4 hours and then she made me a Quantum touch -treatment (energy treatment). Totaly I was on her place 5 hours. What a relief. I felt so much better after that. We made a plan how to make my life better and how I can find "myself". I really feel that I´m lost. Biggest reason for that is from my childhood. I´m very insecure in many things and I want to get out of my shell that I have created.
The coals are losing weight, get rid of some medicine that I have taken to a depression and ofcourse find out who I really am. So what's the plan? I go to her place twice at week to talk and get that Quantum touch -treatment. Ofcourse I have to revise my diet and I try now the LCHF-diet. Then I have a "Green day" atleast 1 day at week when I eat only fresh non-cooked green vegetables and fruits. Here is picture of my green breakfast shake:
What a fantastic colour! And the taste are not bad(= This shake include water, cucumber, baby spinach, kiwi and lime. Better combination is the same ingredient without kiwi because that made shake too bitter. Avocado is my favorite food in "green days"
Ofcourse I also add more excercise to my days. I have started a new hobby with my dear friend: a water running. It´s really fun and also very effective. I love to be in water, a specially Finland´s lovely lake waters. Best thing in warm summer day is to float on a water and go through my thoughts.
One change I had to make at home. That was moving the bed so that we are sleeping our heads to the North. And I really have slept better. 3 first nights I saw lots of dreams but that´s not a bad thing because it tells that I´m going through my things inside me.
But now I´m very tired and it´s coffee pause´s time!
In our first appointment, we talked about 4 hours and then she made me a Quantum touch -treatment (energy treatment). Totaly I was on her place 5 hours. What a relief. I felt so much better after that. We made a plan how to make my life better and how I can find "myself". I really feel that I´m lost. Biggest reason for that is from my childhood. I´m very insecure in many things and I want to get out of my shell that I have created.
The coals are losing weight, get rid of some medicine that I have taken to a depression and ofcourse find out who I really am. So what's the plan? I go to her place twice at week to talk and get that Quantum touch -treatment. Ofcourse I have to revise my diet and I try now the LCHF-diet. Then I have a "Green day" atleast 1 day at week when I eat only fresh non-cooked green vegetables and fruits. Here is picture of my green breakfast shake:
What a fantastic colour! And the taste are not bad(= This shake include water, cucumber, baby spinach, kiwi and lime. Better combination is the same ingredient without kiwi because that made shake too bitter. Avocado is my favorite food in "green days"
Ofcourse I also add more excercise to my days. I have started a new hobby with my dear friend: a water running. It´s really fun and also very effective. I love to be in water, a specially Finland´s lovely lake waters. Best thing in warm summer day is to float on a water and go through my thoughts.
One change I had to make at home. That was moving the bed so that we are sleeping our heads to the North. And I really have slept better. 3 first nights I saw lots of dreams but that´s not a bad thing because it tells that I´m going through my things inside me.
But now I´m very tired and it´s coffee pause´s time!
perjantai 12. maaliskuuta 2010
Excited
Tomorrow I´m going to see a woman who is very strong person and I think she is the one who can help me. I need someone to help me to open my inner locks. I called her today and I was so relieved that she can meet me so quickly.
After the call I have been very emotional and almost start weeping. I think the feelings comes so strong because I might find the way out of my inner prison. The road in land of shadows have been long and finally the lighter path is ahead.
Maybe the hardest thing in my depression is that how my "comedowns" effects to my loveones. Specially to my huspand and our dogs. I have just find out how sensitive dogs are for your emotions. And that makes me feel so bad and guilty. It´s my job as an owner to give them a happy and good life.
So, waiting very impatiently tomorrow afternoon. I think my time has come to grow for the wonderful woman that is inside me and who want´s to show up herself.
After the call I have been very emotional and almost start weeping. I think the feelings comes so strong because I might find the way out of my inner prison. The road in land of shadows have been long and finally the lighter path is ahead.
Maybe the hardest thing in my depression is that how my "comedowns" effects to my loveones. Specially to my huspand and our dogs. I have just find out how sensitive dogs are for your emotions. And that makes me feel so bad and guilty. It´s my job as an owner to give them a happy and good life.
So, waiting very impatiently tomorrow afternoon. I think my time has come to grow for the wonderful woman that is inside me and who want´s to show up herself.
maanantai 8. maaliskuuta 2010
Oscar Gala
I was on my friend´s flat watching The Oscar´s and I like it very much. Nice show from Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Funny guys and played well together.
The red carpet were little disappointment, felt like the camera were all the time in wrong place showing boring things; like George Clooney saying hi to his fans atleast 6 times and it ws the same clip every time! Also at the show they get Clooney very often to the picture. And he looked very boring. Maybe it was for them funny some way etc.
I think most of the statue went for right people. And we lived the emotions of winners with my friend, having tears in our eyes. So many happy, first time winners.
Only bad thing in this is that we did not sleep, not even 1 minute, last night and we had to go to work. This is horrible. I´m so tired that I almost fall asleep right here in my chair. I decided to leave early today and have some nap.
So we had fun time with my friend but I have to hope that I can cheer up when week is going on. It´s not fare if my family suffers for my tiredness when the reason for that is Oscar´s!
Now having some lunc and then joyrney to home shall begin!
The red carpet were little disappointment, felt like the camera were all the time in wrong place showing boring things; like George Clooney saying hi to his fans atleast 6 times and it ws the same clip every time! Also at the show they get Clooney very often to the picture. And he looked very boring. Maybe it was for them funny some way etc.
I think most of the statue went for right people. And we lived the emotions of winners with my friend, having tears in our eyes. So many happy, first time winners.
Only bad thing in this is that we did not sleep, not even 1 minute, last night and we had to go to work. This is horrible. I´m so tired that I almost fall asleep right here in my chair. I decided to leave early today and have some nap.
So we had fun time with my friend but I have to hope that I can cheer up when week is going on. It´s not fare if my family suffers for my tiredness when the reason for that is Oscar´s!
Now having some lunc and then joyrney to home shall begin!
perjantai 26. helmikuuta 2010
Fire is magical
We are spending long weekend in Orimattila. There are so peaceful and quiet. So nice to be here again after 2 months.
I could sit by the fireplace so many hours and just watch the fire. And the warmth is so lovely. I was reading in the armchair and I don´t know better place to do that(= You can get in the right mood and just forget everything around you. So relaxing.
We came here to spend quality time together, but we are also doing things that we enjoy ourselves. To me it´s reading and having time to go through my thoughts. For him it´s something else.
Knowing that you can just be and no rush is wonderful. No need to go anywhere and nobody demanding something from you. Well, we have our dogs with us and they do want go out few times and they need food too. But they are part of our family and it´s nice also spend time with them outside the home environment.
Sun has gone to sleep from this day and darkness taken hes place. Fireplace is calling to me so I´m going to enjoy it before I start make dinner. Creamy chicken with something? I don´t know yet what... Maybe I get the idea when sitting in the armchair and watching the fire.
I could sit by the fireplace so many hours and just watch the fire. And the warmth is so lovely. I was reading in the armchair and I don´t know better place to do that(= You can get in the right mood and just forget everything around you. So relaxing.
We came here to spend quality time together, but we are also doing things that we enjoy ourselves. To me it´s reading and having time to go through my thoughts. For him it´s something else.
Knowing that you can just be and no rush is wonderful. No need to go anywhere and nobody demanding something from you. Well, we have our dogs with us and they do want go out few times and they need food too. But they are part of our family and it´s nice also spend time with them outside the home environment.
Sun has gone to sleep from this day and darkness taken hes place. Fireplace is calling to me so I´m going to enjoy it before I start make dinner. Creamy chicken with something? I don´t know yet what... Maybe I get the idea when sitting in the armchair and watching the fire.
torstai 18. helmikuuta 2010
Horoscope
My horoscope says today that I´m partly there where I´m going but still I´m not there yet... Okay, quite clear! And I should keep my foot on earth. Yeah, interesting.
Maybe this image that mental growht I have mention before. Thats sure that I´m not in the point I would like to be. I have long journey ahead.
Right now I feel that I need time to be only by myself. BUT the life won´t give it to me. i don´t know what the place could be where i could totally focus to clear my mind. At home it won´t happen because it cause stress to me. Well, if i would have 1 whole week alone without dogs and other liabilitys.. Then i could clear the mess in the house. I wanna throw away useless stuffs and have more space in the house, which now make me quite anxious.
Okay, now this went quite negative. The weather and lack of own time in bright hours of day, makes me tired. There´s so much things I should be able to handle.. But I would just wanna to get rid of all.
I think many people is now in this situation. It feels that your head is going to blow up in any time, but still the same spinnning goes on and on. And that makes us frustrated. We just hope that someone or something will come and safe us from this ever lasting misery. Most of us does not realize that the only one who can make the change are they themselves.
I know that, BUT now it seems that I really don´t wanna admit it to myself. It´s so easy to tell lies to yourself. I´m very good in that which is not a good thing and it´s really important to me make a huge change in that.
I have really tried to avoid listening my inner voice lately. Why? Well, I don´t wanna face what it tells me: I should take step outside from my comfort area. And that´s not easy, not at all!
The upcoming weekend is full of plans, only this friday is free. That makes me feel that I wanna leave early to home from work. Yeah, I´m going to do that! That´s very good thing in my job that it´s quite independent and sometimes I´m free to quit jobs early.
I´m goig to quit the jobs today at 2pm. So 3,5 hours to go anymore including lunch break(=
Great! Now I feel better(=
Maybe this image that mental growht I have mention before. Thats sure that I´m not in the point I would like to be. I have long journey ahead.
Right now I feel that I need time to be only by myself. BUT the life won´t give it to me. i don´t know what the place could be where i could totally focus to clear my mind. At home it won´t happen because it cause stress to me. Well, if i would have 1 whole week alone without dogs and other liabilitys.. Then i could clear the mess in the house. I wanna throw away useless stuffs and have more space in the house, which now make me quite anxious.
Okay, now this went quite negative. The weather and lack of own time in bright hours of day, makes me tired. There´s so much things I should be able to handle.. But I would just wanna to get rid of all.
I think many people is now in this situation. It feels that your head is going to blow up in any time, but still the same spinnning goes on and on. And that makes us frustrated. We just hope that someone or something will come and safe us from this ever lasting misery. Most of us does not realize that the only one who can make the change are they themselves.
I know that, BUT now it seems that I really don´t wanna admit it to myself. It´s so easy to tell lies to yourself. I´m very good in that which is not a good thing and it´s really important to me make a huge change in that.
I have really tried to avoid listening my inner voice lately. Why? Well, I don´t wanna face what it tells me: I should take step outside from my comfort area. And that´s not easy, not at all!
The upcoming weekend is full of plans, only this friday is free. That makes me feel that I wanna leave early to home from work. Yeah, I´m going to do that! That´s very good thing in my job that it´s quite independent and sometimes I´m free to quit jobs early.
I´m goig to quit the jobs today at 2pm. So 3,5 hours to go anymore including lunch break(=
Great! Now I feel better(=
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